It’s Friday night and you are sitting home all alone watching The Notebook for the 4th time this month. You slowly and sadly dig into your bowl of Rocky Road ice cream, as the tissues lay near by. You imagine what it would be like to be in the arms of either Ryan Gosling or Rachel McAdams. As they make out in the rain; you begin to wonder,” why don’t I have someone like that in my life? Why can’t someone come and sweep me off of my feet?” Quite simply, you’ve got to get off your butt and onto your feet, before someone can sweep you off of them!
Stop waiting around and start taking action!
Are you seriously sitting around waiting for the person of your dreams to knock on your door? Stop waiting around and start creating your own dreams. I have clients come to me all the time and tell me that they want to find the person of their dreams. The first thing I help them understand is that the only thing they can focus on is themselves. The truth is that we cannot change other people, the dating game, or anything else. We can only change ourselves. So its time to make some changes in order to attract the person of your dreams into your life.
Here are 7 ways to become the best person that you can be and attract the person of your dreams:
Decide What You Want in a Mate
If you don’t know what you want, how in the world are you going to know when you find it? Have you ever gone to the grocery store without a list? Generally it takes far more time to shop without a list. The same way if you don’t have a list of what you are looking for in mate, it may take a lot longer to find them. I’ve heard some people say that it is bad to have a list. However, when I ask them what they are looking for they are always able to tell me. Just because your list is in your head does not change the fact that you have a list. However, it’s more advantageous to have it written in front of you. Then, you can review it and remind yourself consciously what you are looking for. When we bring things to our conscious mind it actively begins looking for ways to fill that desire.
Now is the time to consciously decide! Don’t wait for 5 years to create a vision of what you want in a future mate. Do it now. If you make a list of 50 qualities, are you going to find someone with all of those 50 qualities? No, there is about a 99.9% chance that they are not going to meet all those. However, they will have many more qualities that you want than if you hadn’t taken the time to consciously decide. So take a minute and decide now.
Your Assignment is to make 3 separate lists:
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- Your Dream Mate – A list of the mate of your dreams – everything that you want in a mate
- Your Nightmare Mate – A list of the mate of your nightmares – everything that you don’t want in a partner
- Your Ideal Self – A list that answers this question – Who would you need to become and what would you need to do in order to attract your dream mate into your life?
Stop Watering Your Face
Be Positive. Stop crying about not being in a relationship, and do something about it! Many people feel that because they had rough childhoods, negative past relationships, or other hardships; that they cannot have a happy relationship. This might be shocking but as I often say, “Nobody cares that somebody stepped on your birthday cake when you were 5!” Everyone has had challenges in relationships. Some people dwell on the problems and others learn from them and move on. Smile and be positive. If you struggle, start picking up some books that will change your thinking and help you be positive and stop complaining about the past. It does not serve you. In other words be optimistic and just be happy. Happiness is a choice and there is nothing more attractive then someone going through challenges that is confident and smiles.
Assignment: Listen or read something in the morning that helps you to be happy and keep your head up.
Set Goals
When you do not have a relationship you have time to focus on you. Thousands of books have been written on this subject. However, simply start by asking yourself. What is the one thing that I want more than anything else in the world? Write down the first thing that comes to mind. Then ask yourself why do you want that particular thing? Then, ask yourself, what would I need to do in order to turn this dream into a reality? Then set a plan with mini deadlines. If you are focusing on moving forward on your goals you will have less time to feel sorry for yourself and will actually feel better. Create the goals that you want and make them happen.
Assignment : Write one goal that you will focus on this week and set a plan to achieve it.
Exercise
If there is one thing that I am the biggest advocate of it is exercise. Beginning to exercise will change your life more dynamically than almost anything that I can suggest. When you exercise you create endorphins that tell your body to feel good. Not to mention if you want to attract someone with a great physique then you need to also have an awesome physique. You might be saying I have big bones, bad knees, or just plain don’t like to exercise. I get it, people have challenges. Remember, no matter what your excuse is, I have heard them all. To every excuse you come up with I will give you an exception to the rule. Be the exception instead of the excuse! Nick Vujicic was born without arms or legs and keeps himself in shape. Now, what’s your excuse? As Harvey Mckay says, “Winners set Goals, losers make excuses.” If you make it a necessity to get in shape you will get in shape and you will feel great.
Assignment: Start exercising today even if its just a walk around the block or doing a few sit ups or push-ups. (Before starting any serious exercise program consult with your physician)
Develop A New Talent, Hobby or Skill
When you were a little kid what talent did you want to develop? Did you want to become an artist? Did you want to play the guitar? Did you want to learn a new language? Now is the TIME! Now is your opportunity to develop whatever talents you want to possess. When you get into a relationship, you won’t have near the time that you have now. As we develop a new talent we experience growth and progress which helps us feel good.
Assignment: Decide a talent that you want to begin to develop and work on it today.
Serve Others
One of the best ways to stop worrying about yourself is by helping others. When you start to focus on others and the challenges that they have, you begin to forget your own. Believe it or not there are many people out there that have worse problems than you do. It is often through service opportunities that our lives are blessed the most. It makes us happy and we also feel productive. There are many soup kitchens and other opportunities to serve. However, service can also be as simple as calling up a friend and seeing how they’re doing or just smiling at a stranger. We generally get much more than we give when we serve. You may even meet the love of your life while doing service.
Assignment: Find an act of service that you can do for someone today and go and do it.
ENJOY LIFE
Most importantly, have fun and enjoy your life. You only have one life so you might as well enjoy it. Things are going to work out eventually. Don’t buy in to the theories out there that you cannot be happy since you are not in a relationship. You can be just as happy as you decide that you want to be. There are plenty of singles groups out there that have similar interests as yours. Join a gym. Join a rec. league of your favorite sport. Go on some good trips with groups of friends. Maybe it’s as simple as treating yourself to an ice cream cone or going out and flying a kite. Don’t say I will be happy when I am married. As Shawn Achor, author of the Happiness Advantage says, “Often times people think that happiness follows success, it’s actually the other way around, success follows happiness.” So go out today and enjoy your life.
Assignment: What is something that you love to do and makes your life worth living? Go and do that thing today and let yourself just have fun.
Yes it may rain on your parade, but hold your head high as you go through that storm and you will get out of it much sooner and may even enjoy the storm a little bit. Keep taking action and improving, Mr or Mrs. Right could be just around the corner.